What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
