So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
