is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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