Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
