I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
