Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
