1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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