This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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