I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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