Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
