you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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