So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
