Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
