i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
