you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
