A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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