So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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