it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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