I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
