I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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