so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
