Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Houston, we have a blender
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
