her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
