I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
