If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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