his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
