It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
