I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
