Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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