oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
