I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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