btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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