I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
