i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
