you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
