....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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