Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love accidental penises.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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