Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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