Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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