my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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