"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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