batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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