i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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