i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
