At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
