Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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