You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
