How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
