Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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