Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
