The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
