There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
