you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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