did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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