honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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