I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
