There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
