I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
