shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
