oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
