You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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