You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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