dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
