im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
try to milk me bitch
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