Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We are two peas in an std pod
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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