There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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