I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
try to milk me bitch
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
