what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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