my phone needs a breathalizer
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
