my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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