I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And then he peed in my hair
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