Is it normal to miss your booty call?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
