Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
