I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
