i was born a porn star she said
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
