Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
