So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
