The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
