When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
