Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
