was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
