I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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