Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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