So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
