I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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