So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So vagazzling was a success
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
