he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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