Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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