i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
