The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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