Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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